Memory loss??

As my 51st year approaches quickly, I realize that I have signs of aging that I try to ignore as most do. Aches and pains, and a memory that is not as sharp as it used to be.

I have always admitted to having a bad memory, so I stay organized to prevent myself from being stressed.
Last month was a particularly stressful month for me because I truly thought I was developing dementia, Alzheimers, or some sort of total memory loss.

No, I had not gotten drunk and forgotten what I had done, haha.

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My husband gave me a trip back to the states for my birthday and Christmas! While booking the trip he needed my passport.

PASSPORT: THE MOST IMPORTANT DOCUMENT FOR LIVING ABROAD!

I knew where it should be, where I should have put it but it was not there. I went through every possible place that I could have put it. But I could not remember! I seriously thought that I must be having signs of major memory loss.

For 3 weeks I tore the house apart. I looked under mattresses, I unpacked all my drawers and repacked them (more than once), I went through trash, called the last few places we had been to see if it had fallen out of my pocketbook, called friends whom we had visited, …finally, we decided that I would have to get a new one.

I told my husband, I would never again fuss at him for losing things because I had lost THE single most important thing I had living in Denmark.

I had been in tears more than once over this incident.

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I decided to look through the office one more time. I do not know what prompted me to look in the printer ….but THERE it was, laying on the scanner face down. Again, I thought I had lost my mind. I did not remember putting my passport there or why. It was a relief, but also scary that I could not remember doing that. I called to my husband that I had found it!!!

He started laughing and he called back to me, “hmmmm, oh yeah, I needed to make a copy of it for the government tax office!”

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Seriously!!!!!!! I am not losing my mind, but he is making me crazy!!!!!

Oh, the joys of marriage, haha.

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The Sound Of Time

I stood in our bedroom and listened.  I was stilled by a sound that distinctly took me back to when I was about 4 or 5.  I listened for the longest time, remembering things I had not thought of in probably 30 years.

When I was small, I visited my great great aunt’s beach home on a neighboring island from the one I grew up on.  I remember the old house that had recently been put up on stilts. It was basically a beach shack.  An old home built in probably the 30’s-40’s that had been raised up due to the erosion on the island.  The home was cedar paneled and painted the prettiest blue, but worn from the wind and sun.  The porch overlooked the ocean and spanned the length of the house. I played with my cousins all day in the sun, sand, and building what we called “drip castles”.  Digging moats and catching fiddler crabs.We walked the beach every evening before the sun went down hunting for shells that had washed up on shore.  Then we went to the porch of the old house and would swing in the hammock the rest of the evening just talking and singing.

The beach shack had the most basic kitchen, 2 small bedrooms, and one bathroom.  They only had running cold water.  But that was perfect for the heat of the summer!  There was no air conditioning, so every window would be open to let the breeze flow through.  The smells of the beach had penetrated the walls made of plank wood. I felt so at home in that house and like I was a part of nature.

For someone like me, who has lost the sense of smell, sounds have become my memory trigger.  I guess everyone at one time or another has heard a sound that transports them to their happy place.  For some it is music that takes them back to high school, or the sound of children laughing that reminds them of their children when they were happily playing.

So the sound in my bedroom was the sound of the air rushing through my apartment.  The low sound of wind gushing under the door. Undulating with the pressure of the ever changing breeze outside.  That sound that took me back to that time in the old beach house with all the windows open.  The railings covered in seashells we had gathered over our time there. The worn out house that was alive with sounds of the ocean and the breeze flowing through it.  The sound of a time forgotten, but now cherished.

Sea shells and artifacts

 

 

 

Courage

I had a friend tell me that she could not imagine moving to another country. That didn’t surprise me because it really is not something for just anyone to try. But when she told me that I was brave, I guess I understood more about why people do not do things out of their comfort zone.
When things take bravery, people tend to choose the easy path, the one they are familiar with.
I on the other hand have never taken the easy way to do anything. I have always made things harder on myself than was necessary. I tend to leap while having faith that something would work out.
Sometimes I do not know if that comes from courage or stupidity because not everything has gone as smoothly as I had wished.

I think back to when I was going through my divorce.  It was a scary thing to decide to leave my marriage of 18 years and start life on my own.  I had no idea of what career to have, where to live, or pay my bills.  I just knew that in order to become myself again, I needed out of the marriage.

Over and over again, I watched the movie Under The Tuscan Sun.

Under The Tuscan Sun
Under The Tuscan Sun

I gathered much of my courage from this movie.  Needless to say, I am the same age as Diane Lane, and I connect with her so much.  Though the movie was fiction, I felt empowered by a woman newly divorced taking chances in her life, moving abroad, fixing up an old house, creating a new life, and eventually finding love again.

Courage-Quote

Courage comes from having choices in life and choosing the path unsure of it’s outcome, but going for it anyway.

I guess there are many choices I have made that have been somewhat courageous in the past 10 years.  I can say that I feel liberated and unafraid to try more the older I get.  It is because of this I know I am experiencing things that many others will not.  I feel blessed, and I will continue to try things without knowing the outcome.  It truly makes me feel alive!

 

Respect…..my declaration

I opened my email the other day to see one titled in swear words that offended me right off the bat, telling me to “get the **** off ….” How on earth did I receive an email with words that I never use…well, rarely use, and only at myself not at others.Digital Respect

It seems that a fellow blogger decided that they could monetize themselves by creating a blog and a video channel that was not doing as well as they had hoped. I had subscribed, but did not have the time to check out the videos yet, but knew that I would at some point. I was trying to be supportive of my fellow bloggers and their ambitions.

I honestly was shocked, horrified, and disappointed in this blogger and I decided that I did not need to be treated with disrespect so I no longer follow the blog. I understand it was not directed specifically at me, but it was directed at all the followers who did not do other things this person wanted. I could not believe the utter nonsense of curse words that were there in my inbox.

I guess there is always a reason why people do things, and a “why” that they need to fill.  Somewhere along the way, some people lose their why for doing something. Or maybe their “why” should not be a “why” to begin with.

I started blogging for myself. Not to sell anything, not to become famous, not to make money, but to have a chronicle of my life, my thoughts, things I have learned along the way, and occasionally a funny story or two about life in general. Maybe someone will enjoy it, someone will notice similarities, someone will learn something they didn’t know. My why for my blog was a personal one without expectations, without hope that it would be viral, and with total respect for anyone who might read my blog. So everyone has a different why, but you should not treat others poorly because of your failures.

My Declaration

I understand that people work hard on their projects and some feel they should be compensated for it. “Go for it” I say, and I will support you how I can. But do not burden me with your expectations that might be crushed when you realize that it takes years to build up something. It takes work, it takes patience, it takes hmmmmm….more respect of those who are supporting you in whatever way they can.

I guess I needed to get this off my chest. I felt violated in a way that I never thought I could. Maybe I am too sensitive, but I rather like that I have values and ethics. Maybe I just expect too much of others. Whatever the cause, I felt I needed to write this post as a declaration from me to everyone:

I will treat you with respect and with compassion and to support you however I can.

It is in these ways I wish to make a difference in this world.

Tanya

Cool Cool Summer

I must admit, one of the things I am enjoying about being in Denmark is this wonderful summer weather we are having.  Cool nights and nice days.  In fact, the nights are so cool we cannot even sleep with the windows open because of the chill!

Mmmmm, but I love it.  I come from the hot, sticky, humid, and sometimes unbearable summer heat of the south in the U.S.  Though there are times when I would like to be able to put a bathing suit on and sit in the sun, right now I will just enjoy being able to breathe, wear my jeans and comfortable t shirts without sweating, and walking to the harbor and beach without being worn out from the heat.

Denmark Strand
Greve Strand in Denmark

It will come though, I know it will.  I have been here every summer for the past 7 years and I have felt the heat.  The kind of heat that is stagnant, without any movement, and for sure oppressive at best.  I lived those days waiting for the nights to come.  Some nights were still too warm to sleep.

Oh yes, it will come.

when its hot
When it is hot in Denmark, head to the cold water!

I remember hot nights from my  youth.  The days before we had central air conditioning to cool our homes.  The difference is that we used fans to at least move the air and make the heat somewhat bearable.  Those were the nights I spent sleeping in my dad’s old holey undershirts that were so thread bear they did not hurt my sunburned skin. Those nights were ones of tossing and turning from being worn out from sun, heat, and the activities of the day. Those hot summer nights transformed into ones as a teenager sitting in the air conditioned living room watching tv late at night with friends. Best memories are made on hot summer nights!

Those summer nights of my youth were magical even though they were hot.  A bit like what I am experiencing now.  These magical cool summer nights in Denmark in a home that is starting to feel like mine, in a life that is starting to feel like mine, and married to my “Great Dane”, who is also starting to feel like mine, lol.  My new memories being made will include these cool nights with the doors and windows open, a sun that retires for the night at 11 pm, and a life filled with love.

 

“Skol” to summer evenings, long days, relaxed vacations, and time to reconnect with our families!

Once a Dancer…..

Yes, I was once in shape.  Many moons ago I was a swimmer and a dancer and choreographer for my college dance team.  I think I was born with the love of water and music.  As a child I was constantly in motion, cheering or dancing even while grocery shopping with my mother.  I guess I will always have that beat, but not the body I used to have.  I have however taken a challenge by my new husband to get in shape….. as much as I can.  To get back some strength that is so obvious to me I have lost.  My balance is also not what it used to be.  I can tell that my 50 years of life is starting to show.  So, I am on the lookout for information and blogs that will keep me motivated and doing something for myself.  I found this blog to give me my initial inspiration especially at my age!

Can a Body Get Back in Shape At 50 Years Old? | LIVESTRONG.COM

 

Ok, so “skol” to working on my body, my mind and all my challenges in the 50th year!

Have you found anything that motivates you?  I would love to hear/read about it!

My motivator, ha!
My motivator, ha!

 

 

Time flies…

I have taken my vacation visiting my family back in the US. Was a great but too short visit though it was 2 weeks long. My parents have moved into a townhome in the city where my brother lives, so much of my time was spent helping get them unpacked and more organized. I did get to spend time with my daughter, son, brother and his family, and some friends. Many of those I saw I had not seen in over a year! Overall the visit was great!!

Of course this just proves to me how fast time flies. I last saw my parents 6 months ago. When I arrived at their home I was shocked. They looked like they had aged 10 years in those last 6 months. I think I really realized now that each time I have to say goodbye, I may not see them again. Of course this is true of anyone, but especially when you are dealing with aging parents. I know that I enjoyed this visit more because I came to the realization that they will never get to visit me and my husband in Denmark. They will never get to see my in laws, or see how I live, or most probably never see their granddog again.Time Flies

Time, it is what we have, yet it is limited. Those who say “you have plenty of time”, will at some point think there is not enough.

For now I am happy with the time I had with my family and friends and I look forward to the next time I can visit.

Be sure to make the most of the short time you have!